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Tip: Eat Ferrero Rocher Chocolates
Not only will they give you enough sugar to power you through any “Emergency Cost Cutting Meeting” your boss will throw at you, if you save up enough of the wrappers you might be able to melt them down into gold. And bury it in your backyard. To trade with the Russians in exchange for your freedom.
TAGS:
• candy • it's gold! • tip • russian invasion • long live galactic leader putin! • All I saw in his eyes were a K B and a G
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(via iamshimone/Flickr)
Tip: If you are unlucky enough to bring a small giggling money-suck into this unholy time we find ourselves in, get out your X-acto knife and head to the dumpster. Your baby will thank you later if you haven’t sold it on the soon to be open National Baby Exchange (NBEX).
TAGS:
• tip • money-suck • cardboard
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Tip: Dig Through Your Drawers and Back Packs
Remember that backpacking trip you took freshman year of college?
Yes, Amsterdam is fucking crazy. We all know about the weed there. Promise, we do. We also remember how cheap a pint of beer was in Prague. We swear. Those good times could lead to relative prosperity in these damn dark times we now find ourselves in.
Your hangover in the airport on your return probably prevented you from cashing out your spare Euros, Korunas, Liras what have you. Your father always told you “Those currency exchange stands are god damn jerk job.” Well he was right, and he just put off you having to try and spear a squirrel off the telephone wire for dinner.
Dig for those coins, young friend. Find those coins you refused to give to that French homeless man completely painted gold. He didn’t deserve it. Put those babies in a used Zip-Loc bag and takes those to the bank. And then, go eat like a king. Of a very small country. With the GDP of a country made up of five hobos that banded together to hug for warmth.
Good luck America.
TAGS:
• tip • money • food • jerk job • we're all fucking screwed
